No, this post isn’t about weed. Or that Claire Denis sci-fi film starring Cedric Diggory. Rather, it’s about beer commercials. Which, edited within an inch of their lives, full of overwrought reaction shots by actors of middling talent (or anthropomorphized animals) and, of course, heavy on the jiggle factor, generally suck. (Unless, of course, you fall into the male 12-34 years demo.)

However, back around the turn of the millennium, a campaign for Miller High Life, the “Champagne of Beers,” graced our low-definition, 400-lb., 32″ cathode ray tube TVs.

Unlike the puerile marketing trash of its competition, these High Life commercials dealt head-with tricky social issues, examining the human condition with the pinpoint accuracy and eye-burning vigor of a laser pointer.

But, why, you ask, are we talking beer commercials on a movie blog?

Well, because the High Life campaign was the brainchild of Errol Morris. Know him? He’s one of our foremost documentarians, director of, among others, Gates of Heaven (about a pet cemetery, which Roger Ebert named one of the 10 best films ever made—seriously), The Thin Blue Line (about a patrolman’s murder in Texas), A Brief History of Time (about Stephen Hawkins) and The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara (winner of the 2003 Best Documentary Oscar).

As seen in many of his docs, Morris has a unique style—visually, aurally, editorially. And it’s that quirky sensibility that makes his High Life commercials so damn good. Think close-up of faces not quite in the frame, dutch angles, the bottle rattling grandeur when a fridge is opened, the hum of a supermarket’s meat cooler compressor, the crunch of a boot flattening trash and, best of all, the brilliant deadpan of Doug Jeffers, the voice over artist who narrates our protagonist’s deepest hopes, fears and hangups.

As you will soon see, Morris’ High Life commercials revolve around men—real men, mind you— the middle-aged kind who don’t feel comfortable grocery shopping; who sport work boots, 5 o’cock shadows, buzz cuts and a bit of a potbelly; the kind who aren’t afraid to judge others or get their hands dirty.

No doubt there are some who think such commercials—all the mansplaining, manscaping, man spreading, man whatevering—should be dropped in the toilet with all the other patriarchy junk from yesteryear and flushed not once but twice.

Conversely, if one has the slightest sense of humor, an ounce of wit, one could view these commercials through the lens of satire and laugh at the way Morris pokes fun at the rougher sex’ incredibly weird neuroses, how their perceived manliness is constantly being challenged and/or reinforced.

Anyway, let’s take a look at some of my favorites, which, as usual, I’ll rate across four key criteria using a complicated and propriety algorithm.

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—To eat or not to eat olive loaf straight from package
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—6/10 (he’s sitting so it’s tough to do a full examination; manly nose though, not to mention he’s eating processed meat with his fingers)
Coiffure—6/10 (Receding hairline @ 37%)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—0/10
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—To eat or not to eat that last deviled egg on a full stomach
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—8/10 (loosened tie, short-sleeved dress shirt, Eastern European blue-collar face)
Coiffure—7/10 (Receding @32%, bonus point awarded for mustache)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—0/10
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—Stuck having dinner with a bunch of chatty broads
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—4/10 (what kind of man gets himself into this situation? Bonus point awarded for frustrated face rub)
Coiffure—2/10 (no hair loss? no buzz cut? WTF?)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—9/10 (this one isn’t going over well with those ERA folks)
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—Taking out the garbage
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—8/10 (boots, short-sleeved flannel, incredulous expression in the face of feminine exaggeration, problem solver via physical force)
Coiffure—10/10 (military style buzz cut AND receding hairline (41%) AND mustache—triple threat!)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—7/10 (It’s always a tricky proposition to countermand one’s wife.)
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—How to support the wife’s attempt at weight loss
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—9/10 (double chin, chewing with mouth open, bonus point awarded for the salt shaker, no doubt used liberally)
Coiffure—NA (we don’t see his hair!)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—10/10 (“Little lady” and significant other weight gain = trouble)
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—How to eat salad without eating salad
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—10/10 (Massive arms, what looks like an oft broken nose, palpable grocery shopping discomfort, carelessly dropping frangible packaging into the cart from a height, etc)
Coiffure—10/10 (military style buzzcut, bonus points awarded for knuckle hair)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—0/10
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—Hand after hand of weak cards
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—3/10 (a little wimpy in this critic’s opinion; bonus points awarded for the guy sporting a buzz cut sitting next to our guy and the fact that our guy is wearing an undershirt)
Coiffure—0/10 (no hair loss? no buzz cut? WTF?)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—10/10 (“Looks like you’ll be folding faster than the Argentine army in ’82.”)
Xenophobia Scale—10/10 (see above)

 

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—Grocery shopping discomfort
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—10/10 (flannel, meaty hands, oft broken nose, work boots)
Coiffure—10/10 (military style buzz cut)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—0/10
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—Grudging acknowledgement of the origins of mayonnaise
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—NA (we only see hands)
Coiffure—NA (we see no hair)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—10/10 (“It’s hard to respect the French when you have to bail them out of two big ones in one century.”)
Xenophobia Scale—10/10 (see above)

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—How to show your guests you appreciate their company, especially if they’re men
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—10/10 (flannel, meaty hands, work boots)
Coiffure—NA (we see no hair beyond knuckles)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—5/10 (Vegetarians/vegans/pescatarians/etc. may bristle at the line, “That takes care of that cow.”)
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

Existential Crisis Addressed w/Pinpoint Accuracy/Eye-burning Vigor of Laser Pointer—Discomfort with the concept of recycling
Protagonist Manliness Quotient—10/10 (gut, meaty hands, moobs, quintuple chin)
Coiffure—10/10 (military style buzzcut, bonus point awarded for letting it go grey)
Storyline’s Ability to Raise Hackles in Today’s PC World Factor—7/10 (Problematic line: “Maybe the hippies had a good idea after all.”)
Xenophobia Scale—0/10

I could keep going forever but then Ms. Conflicted Film Snob will accuse me of making these things too long. I guess we can’t read beyond 280 characters nowadays, yeah? (Sigh.) Anyway, for those who’d like to see more/all of the commercials, or learn more about Morris’ work, head to over to https://errolmorris.com.