Just took Mark Caro’s 2015 Test Your Oscar Knowledge quiz and bombed it to the tune of 3/20 or 15%. Can you do better? I hope so. On second thought, maybe I should be proud of my pathetic showing. After all, a conflicted film snob isn’t conflicted about the Academy Awards. It is, after all, nothing more than a popularity contest unfairly influenced by studio campaigning (cinema’s version of Citizens United v. FEC) and voted on by white (93%), male (76%) and geezerly (average age: 63) members. Unless, of course, they can’t be bothered to fill out a ballot, thus leaving the picks to their secretary personal assistants.

The Oscars no more represent the year’s best in film than this blog typifies fair and impartial journalism…or journalism in general, for that matter. I mean, Crash over Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Good Night, Good Luck and Munich in 2006? Al Pacino winning Best Actor for Scent of a Woman rather than The Godfather I & II or Dog Day Afternoon or Serpico? The great Roger Deakins nominated 12 times for Best Cinematography and, as of this writing, still without a gold statue for his trophy case?

How about Shakespeare in Love over Saving Private Ryan in 1998? No Country for Old Men over There Will Be Blood in 2007? How Green Was My Valley over Citizen Kane in 1941? Around the World in Eighty Days over Giant in 1956? My Fair Lady over Dr. Strangelove in 1964? Oliver over any movie released in 1968? Rocky over Taxi Driver, Network and All the President’s Men in 1976? Ordinary People over Raging Bull, Tess, The Elephant Man and Coal Miner’s Daughter in 1980? Driving Miss Daisy over My Left Foot in 1989? Dances with Wolves over Goodfellas in 1990?

And what about all that self-congratulatory smugness:

 

And the obnoxious over-production:

And the unfunny hosting gags:

And the streaking:

And Brando’s surrogate:

Ugh.

No, I think I’ll take me a pass. There are better ways to spend my Sunday evening.

First off, I’m very worried about poor Isis (the dog, not the jihadist rebel group)…

And then there’s the seven hours of “E! Countdown to the Red Carpet” and “E! Live from the Red Carpet” coverage I’ll need to spin through on the DVR:

Bleh.