Wrapping up our series on biological disaster flicks, we officially plow into the side of a mountain with a movie so bad, it’s good.

Full disclosure: this film was “Made for TV” (ABC-TV as it happens). And while a certain demographic may shrug at the news (after all, Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad were “Made for TV”!), those of us old enough to have survived

late-70s network television will know with grim certitude that a) this pretty much guaranteed production values on par with a kindergarten finger-painting class and b) any promise of an “A-list” cast stretched the truth about as far as you’d need to sing the alphabet song to reach a more factual letter.

SST: Death Flight (1977, Dir. David Lowell Rich)

Quick Synopsis—To celebrate the maiden flight of America’s first supersonic transport, the plane, christened Maiden One and piloted by architect Mike Brady, will attempt to shatter the world speed record from New York to Paris.

Among the plane’s manifest of 250, a veritable who’s who of thoroughbreds already part of ABC-TV’s stable of thespians (read: available cheap), including Billy Crystal (Soap), Robert Reed (The Brady Bunch), Lorne Green (Battlestar Galactica) and Bert Convy (The Love Boat), the latter two giants of stage and screen pictured below.

Also along for the ride: Dr. Ralph Therman (Brock Peters) of the WHO, who needs to transport a deadly strain of Senegal Flu with a mortality rate of 30%(!) to Pasteur Institute in Paris ASAP…

…the governor of New York, a bickering couple who won a contest, Captain Clarence “Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?” Oveur from Airplane! and, my favorite, a ditzy blonde bimbo known as “Miss SST.” (Apologies to Mrs. CFS.)

Sadly, O.J. Simpson was busy with other projects.

Two hours and forty minutes to Paris in a plastic model held by fishing line in front of a city/sky backdrop—what could possibly go wrong?

Well, let me tell you.

Calamity #1: Various and sundry movie-of-the-week romantic intrigue between no less than four couples intended to flesh out the film’s already thin running time of 89 minutes (cut to: hugs and chaste kisses in the galley)

Calamity #2: A sniveling employee of the plane’s designer, upset that he’s been passed over for promotion, adds a corrosive material to the plane’s hydraulics, which not only makes it impossible to steer, but eventually causes an explosive decompression (cut to: gymnasts/stunt people roll/flip down the aisles to simulate loss of pressure and severe downward pitch)

Calamity #3: The release of a deadly strain of Senegal Flu (caused by the aforementioned eruptive event) which quickly enfeebles much of the cast (cut to: sweaty passengers wrapped in blankets having their damp foreheads dabbed by concerned flight attendants)

However, thanks to selfless actions (passengers are asked to move forward/backwards within the cabin to raise/lower the nose of the jet) and bad acting among the flight crew, the plane approaches de Gaulle for an emergency landing.

Not so fast, though—when it’s revealed a deadly plague has been released inside the cabin, the brie-soft French take a hard pass. So too the airports of Rome, Madrid, Brussels, Oslo, Amsterdam, Stuttgart and London, ingrates all who appear to have forgotten who saved their “lardon” back in ’45.

Where will the SST land? Who will survive? You’ll need to watch the whole thing, which I’ve helpfully embedded below!

CFS $0.02—I remember watching this travesty back in the day, back when it was renamed (for syndication) SST: Disaster in the Sky, back when America couldn’t get enough of airplane disaster flicks, including:

• Airport, in which an “All-star” cast (and George Kennedy as Joe Patroni), battle a suicide bomber in a Boeing 707
• Airport ’75, in which an “All-star” cast (and George Kennedy as Joe Patroni), battle to maintain control of a Boeing 747 that’s been hit in the cockpit by a small airplane
• Airport ’77, in which an “All-star” cast (and George Kennedy as Joe Patroni), battle to keep a Boeing 747 from imploding after it crashes and sinks into the ocean
• The Concorde…Airport ’79, in which an “All-star” cast (and George Kennedy as Joe Patroni),   battle to evade surface-to-air missiles in a supersonic passenger jet.

Also, this was in my The Brady Bunch phase so seeing Robert Reed stretching his acting chops as dulcet-voiced but curmudgeonly Capt. Jim Walsh provided quite the thrill.

So…if one can overlook the bad script, production design, acting, special effects, sound design, direction and score, you’re in for a treat, just the kind of white-knuckle experience to help take your mind off the urge to break quarantine by running outside to hug the dog-walker you noticed passing by.

Here’s the entire film. You’re welcome.